literature

Still Dean (Dean x Reader)

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    Spoilers for 12x11 "Regarding Dean"

“Dean Winchester. My name is Dean Winchester. Sam Winchester is my brother. (f/n)(l/n) is my girlfriend. Cas is-”

You had been listening to Dean running through that mantra for 5 minutes. It was just you two in the motel. Sam and Rowena had gone to get the book that was supposed to fix Dean and you had volunteered to be the one to stay with him. There was nothing you could do but wait. So you sat on the bed in silence, listening to Dean trying to hold on to his identity that continued to slip through his fingers with each passing minute.

“I don’t….I don’t know…I don’t…” There was a defeated sigh followed by a loud thump that most likely was Dean hitting the counter.

You immediately got up and slowly opened the bathroom door.

“Dean?”

He turned to you with fear filled eyes before looking back at the mirror.

“I can’t remember…I-I-I don’t know” he brought his hands up to his head in frustration. “Why don’t I know anything!?” His eyes started watering and he turned back to the mirror. “Remember!” he yelled at himself. “Just remember!”

“It’s okay, Dean. Let’s just sit down okay?” He didn’t fight you and let you sit him on the edge of the bathtub. He put his face in hands and you knelt down in front of him. He took a few minutes to calm down before he looked up at you. He looked confused but his eyes quickly lit up. He brought his hand to your face and traced your cheekbone with his thumb.

“(y/n),” he said with realization.

“Hey Dean,” you smiled taking his free hand. “How are you dearest?”

“I don’t know,” he said softly. He looked down at your entwined hands and laid his other hand on top of them. “All I remember is you. And another name I think…Sam. Why can’t I remember anything else?”

“Because someone put a curse on you. To make you forget,” you explained quietly.

“Why would they do that?” he asked. His eyes were glossy and his lip had a slight tremble in it. “Am I..” he paused,” Am I a bad person?”

“No, Dean. You’re the best person I’ve ever known,” you assured him. “You’re good. The people that did this to you are bad. They killed someone and when you tried to stop them they did this to you.”

“Can we fix it?” You nodded.

“Sam, your brother, and our friend Rowena are out right now getting what we need to fix it. You’ll be okay,” you said with a reassuring smile. Dean looked at you mesmerized.

“Your smile’s beautiful,” he said.

“Thanks,” you laughed. He smiled wide before his face fell again.

“Do you think you could answer some questions for me? To help me remember?”

“Of course. What do you want to know?” you asked.

“How did we meet?”

“We’ve known each other almost our whole lives,” you explained. “My parent’s died when I was really small and they were good friends with Bobby so he took me in. Your dad always left you and Sam with Bobby so we were together a lot.”

“Bobby?” You dug your phone out of your pocket and went into your photos. You found one of Bobby in front of the Impala and showed it to Dean. “Bobby!” he smiled.

“What else?” you asked. Dean narrowed his eyes in thought before speaking.

“I keep getting flashes of someone. It’s a guy….with dark hair…and he’s wearing something blue around his neck.” You scrolled through until you found a picture of Cas.

“Him?”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded. “Who is he? A friend?”

“Our best friend. His name is Cas. He’s an angel.”

“Get out!” Dean said shocked. “Seriously?”

“Yeah,” you said with a sad smile. This was the 8th time today you had to explain Cas to Dean and he got excited each time.

“Can he fly?” You shook your head.

“Not anymore.”

“What happened?”

“It’s a long story.” Dean nodded in understanding.

“Probably too much for me to remember right?”

“Probably,” you said. Dean sighed heavily. “But this one time,” you began, “when Cas first came to Earth he went with us to an amusement park we were investigating. Do you remember amusement parks?”

“Yeah…” he said slowly. “There’s lots of kids….and rides. You like the big wheels that take you up into the sky.”

“That’s right,” you smiled. “Well Cas had never seen rides before and he was really confused-“

“He’s confused a lot…right?” Dean interrupted.

“Right,” you laughed. “We were walking by the roller coaster and Cas stopped to point at it. He asked what they had done wrong. We asked what he meant and he said, ‘What crimes have they committed to be sentenced to death in such a way?’”

“He thought they were being killed?” Dean laughed.

“Yes,” you giggled. “He said their deaths must be particularly painful because of all the screaming and wanted to know why they were being executed and why they were waiting in line for their death so calmly. He was particularly concerned about a 5 year old in the front of the line that said ‘he’d been waiting his whole life for this’.” Dean fell into a fit of laughter.

“He sound’s funny. I can see why we keep him around,” he chuckled.

“Do you feel better?” you asked.

“I think so,” he nodded.

“Good. Now c’mon.” You stood up and took his hand. You led him back to the room and he decided to lay on the bed. You checked your phone for any missed calls or messages but there were none. You looked at the time. Sam had only been gone for 30 mins. It seemed like hours since he left.

“(y/n)?”

“Yeah, Dean?”

“Will you come sit with me?”

You went over and laid next him. He brought you close to him to the point where your noses were nearly touching. He took both your hands in his and brought them to his chest.

“I’m glad I can’t forget you,” he said.

“Me too,” you whispered. He smiled and kissed you softly.

“I’m tired.”

“Go to sleep,” you said. “I’ll be right here.”

“Promise?” he asked.

“Promise.”

He closed his eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep. You studied his peaceful face, feeling exhausted yourself. These past two days had been some of the hardest you’d ever had. Dean disappearing that night had given you a heart attack. Finding him with memory loss had been even harder. Having to see him struggle and losing him bit by bit was killing you. Why did him and Sam always have to suffer so much? Warm tears began falling from your eyes and you quickly wiped them away. You didn’t need to worry. Sam and Rowena were fixing it. Dean would better in less than an hour. You refused to think of the alternative. You replaced your hand in Dean’s and he instinctively tightened his grip around it.

After a while your lids grew heavy and you felt yourself beginning to drift off. You were nearly asleep when Dean woke with a start. He sat up and looked around the room in a panic. He looked over at you sitting next to him. He looked at you, his brow furrowed and his mouth open in confusion. His eyes suddenly lit up and he threaded his hand through your loose hair.

“(y/n),” he smiled. You smiled back him.

“Hey, Dean. How are you dearest?”

 

 

This episode was soooo good and I cried like 3 times no joke lol 
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Ali-Starke's avatar
HHHHHHHHHHHHHH- MY HEART!